Ouch

 

It was cruel to highlight how wrong I was while there you were reveling in your happiness. 

Parang, "beh, buti nga" when I did face you with humility. 

Love cuts pride. I could not forget.

 

your love is not enough

 Who are you to judge my love is not enough?

I cried for help. I gave you a means to help me. Did you try to see how I can be helped?
Did you really understand what I have?

Who are you to judge I did not love enough when you fled the moment you had the chance? 

One moment you say you will wait for me and just in a fleeting moment, you were gone. 

I was there walking to the mall alone. Getting things to comfort my knees. I was there alone hurting and fending for myself. 

I was there begging you to talk to me for the good 3 years and you just shoved those pieces and shoved those pieces of me with me you. I was there suffering and you did not even pause for the good 3 years. 

Maybe it was too late for me to realize what I could do to save us. Maybe I was just too scared to stand up and make you wait. You were gone for a while when I did set you free. No more concessions with the time with me. Always, highlighting what I lacked rather than helping me get through.  It was a good few months.  I said maybe next year is a good time. But you decided there was no solution long before I freed you. It was scary and overwhelming that you were long gone. How could I ask you back when I know your dream is at the door? I asked to fix myself and I know I am unfit. How can I have to courage to ask you back when somebody is there and I felt the urgency to move on on your end? 

Do not undermine my love because it is this love that blesses your happiness now while pounding on my heart for weeks on end now. It is deeper than you know. 

rock bottom

 

I told you my plan for us
I swallowed my pride
For it sounded desperate when 
You've gone.

Took of my mask
Bare my soul
When I was already bleeding defeat
At the point it was my rock bottom

Pride cuts love, you conclude. 
Ruthlessly, you say
No comfort. 
Shaming me. 

Leaves by Ben&Ben

 

I won't give up. For now.

 

I won't give up?!

BAH! Humbug. 

Aie.

 

pierced a hole in the heart.

that dull, thudding quiet 

nobody hears

but you could feel

pain

trapped, trapped 

until the cage is full 

Spektor said

 

pierce it more, maybe

the pain dies 

you cannot bottle it all in

nobody is screaming from inside

break it into pieces

so there are no more traps

no more space

no more love

 

shhhh, be still 

hold breath until the thudding goes

pshhhh, i am sorry

still there. 

close your eyes

shut your mind 

stop your heart

end of chapter.

 

pages wet

closed the book

stories fade

dull thudding continues.